God is Stalking Us...

Do you remember when you were in high school and you overheard someone talking about a topic that you thought YOU were the only one who knew about? When you realized that they had somehow gotten your information - they knew your intentions, were you angry? Betrayed? Or did you feel more loved than you ever had in your life? I doubt it was the latter, but when it's Jesus doing the peeping, frankly, it's overwhelming.

We are currently reading Crazy Love by Pastor Francis Chan. It's a great book telling of how crazy God's love is for us and all the crazy things He's willing to do and HAS done for us. It's been a hot topic at home. Rob and I have talked about God's love a lot lately. I am grateful for the book that is leading us into these conversations. Chan mentions talking with God. When you KNOW that he's with you, he's listening and responding. He talks about how awesome that feels. Well, naturally (and sadly), Pastor Chan is probably more in tune with his relationship with Christ than I am, but I remember feeling very excited about the thought of being one-on-one with Jesus. I have felt that way a few times over the past few years, but it seems few and far between, that I allow myself to be open to that.

Sometimes, whether you are seeking Him or not, He's coming. That's what I love so much about Jesus. HE knows that I need him and that I want him, even when I am failing to realize it myself.

Sunday was a good day, overall, but we hit a couple rough patches. Rob and I found ourselves snapping at each other over petty things. I was grumbling about nonsense. He was responding with spite. It just wasn't cute, nor was it glorifying our creator, which we so happened to be on our way to do...headed to church. After going to church, then to bible study and staying a few hours at our friends, we finally made it home. We realized that we were both adding a little fire to our responses and decided to talk once the kids were in bed. So we began to discuss, i.e. point out the other's faults, then defend ourselves, discuss some more, defend some more. Of course it never crossed our minds to pray or to seek God's guidance in all of this. We resolved to suggest one thing for the other to work on for the week as our "goal" for the other. He suggested that I work on not being to uptight about what the kids wear (it's definitely a battle that I need to just let go, but haven't), and I suggested that he work on taking initiative. *Whew* that's done. Now let's watch some tv!

Ha! God wasn't having it. After getting online to check my e-mail and then facebook, I noticed a news feed for lifechurch.tv about Marriage Mentors. I am interested in pursuing that in our future, so I thought I'd just read what they posted. When I clicked, it took me to their website. Which had a banner at the top that said "Church Online - Experience starts in: LIVE". I really didn't think much of that and read on about their mentor program. Then I thought, I wonder if that means that church is live right now, so I clicked on it. It was live and the sermon had already started and was about half-way through. Here's what I heard: "Ladies, if you want your husband to sit in the driver's seat and take control, THEN YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF IT!"

Well, that got my attention, to say the least. So Rob heard it and started watching with me. Of course, he's thinking, Oh, this will be good, now she'll understand why I don't take initiative. Not long after that, the pastor said, "and husbands, YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE WHEEL!" We sat and watched the remainder of the sermon, glued to the screen, partly in disbelief that this is seriously what we are watching, not 30 minutes after our own conversation about me being a control freak and him not taking control. The pastor goes on about how women take control because their husband doesn't. But that it's not a woman's place to. She should step back, pray for him to take control and let God take care of the rest.

Needless to say, we felt completely convicted...and silly, for not praying about it in the first place. But mostly, we felt STALKED! I mean, seriously, God was RIGHT THERE with us during that entire conversation. He knew exactly what we needed to hear and when we didn't turn to him with our problem, he jumped right in. God amazes me every day, but that just rocked my world.

Here's a link to the sermon series: http://www.lifechurch.tv/message-archive/watch/once-upon-a-marriage/1

There's good and bad in all of this. The good thing is, I felt God's love so strong Sunday night and I have no doubt in my mind, that his provision will carry us through anything, even something as small as bickering with my husband. But sadly, I needed to be reminded of that. I needed Him to come find me, rather than me turning immediately to Him. God's promises are so abundant. Why we ever doubt him, I'll never understand. Until I figure it out though, I am going to just keep stumbling along and being amazed by His grace.

All this reminded me of a Francesca Battistelli song called Beautiful, Beautiful.

Don’t know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace

Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful

So so so underservingly saved by grace,
Delilah