Learning to Shepherd

A good friend of mine, who also happens to be a great mother and amazing Christian woman, told me that I HAD to read Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp. Being the procrastinator that I am, I kept putting it off. Last week I was grumbling to her about the struggles of parenting a child who lies literally every day. She insisted that I get this book and start reading it a.s.a.p. So I drove straight to Life Way to pick it up. Conveniently enough, they only had one left in stock. I have not even made it through the first chapter yet and I already feel like a new parent. I have a ton to share, just from the introduction that has me spinning.

So one of the first things you read is this: “The book teaches you what your goals as a parent ought to be, and how to pursue those ends practically. It teaches you how to engage children about what really matters, how to address your child’s heart by your words and actions.”

Wait, so my goals are wrong? Having them behave in public, respect others, get good grades…is all that wrong? Well, in my case, yes. I have been dead wrong, because I have not bothered to mention to my children that we do all these things to glorify God! I guess I just honestly thought they would pick up on that. Yeah, I know…I’ve got a long way to go.

Mr. Tripp goes on to write about how old-time discipline practices don’t work anymore and they never will. Not because “kids these days” are any different, but because our societal standards change over time, and with that, so does our response. Children do not have an innate fear of a “boss” anymore, because our culture’s response to authority is through bonuses and rewards and not fear.

So how do you show your children authority, without one, beating them or two, paying them off to behave? Well, you simply look up. God has given us the answers, we’ve just gotten so wrapped up in worldly living that we forget that society is not our redeemer. Mr. Tripp goes on to write, “God calls his creatures to live under authority. You exercise authority as God’s agent…not direct your children for your own agenda or convenience.” Well crap! I’ve been doing this allllllll wrong.

Now on to shepherding, what does it mean to shepherd a child’s heart? Well, the parent should be the child’s guide, right? I agree with that. Finally, something I am already on board with. Now how do I change my focus and give the kids Godly counsel without them thinking I have been abducted by aliens? Tripp explains it like this, “This shepherding process is a richer interaction than telling your child what to do and think. It involves INVESTING your life in your child in open and honest communication that unfolds the meaning and purpose of life.”

Well, obviously, Mr. Tripp has never met Mekyla. If you do nothing else in this house, you do not give Mekyla the opportunity to think you have done something wrong, she knows more than you, or that she has an advantage. If I am honest with her, like it suggests, it will surely backfire. Surely. He goes on to say, “It is not simply direction, but direction in which there is self-disclosure and sharing.” Well…maybe he does know Mekyla. I guess our honesty with her, should teach her to be honest for herself? Yes. “Values and spiritual vitality are not simply taught, but caught. As a wise parent your objective is not simply to discuss, but to demonstrate the freshness and vitality of life lived in integrity toward God and your family. Parenting is shepherding the hearts of your children in the ways of God’s wisdom.”

And finally, as the introduction comes to a close, Mr. Tripp writes something that I hope to hang on to long after I finish reading this book. This statement should be handed out to every new parent. It surely does provide instructions for handling everything that parenting throws at you, but it could easily serve as a beacon through the many years and trials of parenting well, loving your children and shepherding them on this journey.

“The law of God is not easy for natural man. Its standard is high and cannot be achieved apart from God’s supernatural grace. God’s law teaches us our need of grace. When you fail to hold out God’s standard, you rob your children of the mercy of the gospel.”