Missing Him

"Missing Him" it has two meanings really, one OF COURSE is because I miss Rob, my amazing husband, who has made a million sacrifices for our family, so that he can do his job, and even more for this country, because of his job. I couldn't begin to tell you how amazing he really is... you'd never believe me. But anyway, I miss him a lot lately. We just had our third child, and our first one together... which is naturally really exciting for us. Unfortunately, it makes it even harder to be separated from him, but, that leads me to the second reason behind "Missing Him..."

For the better part of my adult life, I thought that I had things all figured out. I thought the world was crazy, that I was somehow wrapped up in it, but if I wanted anything from it, that I would have to get it myself. Little did I know, I was missing Him. By Him, I mean Jesus Christ, of course... the newest love of my life. I came to the harsh realization that I didn't have a clue what this world was about nearly two years ago. I was one of those people who claimed to be a Christian, but didn't know the first thing about it. I believed in God, and I prayed, so I thought that was sufficient. Boy was I wrong. Lucky for me, God has unending mercy, and a plan for me. I didn't see it, but he managed to allow my mistakes to guide me in directions I would have never gone on my own. He led me to a man who cared nothing about me, nor I him... and we had a child together (great idea, right? ha!). That was my first step outside of my dilusional world, when I was responsible for someone other than myself. So I had the most amazing, special, beautiful, smart, witty, and entertaining little girl I had ever encountered. Soon I realized I HAD to take care of her. I didn't just need to feed her, house her, and keep her clean... I was responsible to mold her, to lead her, to encourage her. My mindset was completely inept for such a task, but He had a plan for us. When I realized how important she was, and my role was, I knew I needed Jesus, but I had no idea how to get to Him. My thought was that I needed to find a Christian man, and he could lead me, show me, and accept me for all my sinning ways. HAHAHAHAHA... riiiiiiight. God had a different idea.

Somehow, he led me to Rob, another sinner... who himself, struggled with his belief system, and all that God had in store for him... and we married. Two sinners, living in marital bliss, ha!! That is certainly not the case. We agreed to disagree a lot, normally always about religion, sometimes about parenting, and ALWAYS about money. I loved him, wasn't that enough? Apparently it is not that easy, BUT with a hunger for God, it can be.

Through a friend I was led to a great church, where I attended by myself with the kids for a few months during one of Rob's deployments. It helped pass the time, gave me some good information, and helped me grow closer to God... but only a little bit. Rob came home, and I soon realized why military wives misteriously disappear from church. Rob didn't attend church, "it wasn't his thing." But I soon realized I needed Him...Jesus. I needed Rob, but I needed Jesus more. So I went to church without him, week in and week out. He deployed again and upon his return, I asked that he attend church with me, just so the church members would know he was home safe, and he agreed. I don't remember his first reaction, but by no means was he captured by it, with a need to go back... because he didn't... for a while. It became an ever-so-often event that he would join me. With his work schedule, it wasn't abnormal for Rob to be gone one week and back the next, so I don't think anyone at church ever noticed. Well... someone did. Somehow, I think my pastor, Scott knew that this was part of my life that I was lost in. Because of the sermons I had heard at just the right time, it was no surprise to me, that God would work in His mysterious ways to get into my marriage. One time when Rob came to church, Pastor Scott walked up to him and said, "Hey Rob, I know your work schedule is crazy, but it is so great to see you here when you're able to make it." Finally, it wasn't just me encouraging him to go, but Scott. Those who know Scott, know he is amazingly engaging, and a great great guy. Rob knew that, and I knew Scott's words would make a difference. Rob deployed again, and upon his return went to church with me that Sunday, and has not missed a Sunday since, as long as he's been here.

So we go to church... who cares, right? God cares! He knows that even if we are dragging ourselves there every week, we want His word, we trust His judgement, and we know He's the reason for it all. We are both still simple sinners who mess up every single day, stumbling along this crazy path just to TRY to deserve even a glimpse of God's glory. But you know what? He pours out blessings on us anyway. Our blessings are abundant, and His glory can so easily be seen in our lives. Our children are healthy, they're smart, they're happy, they love to go to church, and they love Jesus. My husband has gone from a single soldier, who spent his money whenever he wanted, and wherever he wanted, living with a conditional agreement with God (he'd call when he needed Him), to a man who leads his family to church, who is an amazing father, who has adopted Financial Peace for his finances (which if you know the plan, is EXTREMELY different from just doing what you want with your money) and who accepts that God has our lives in His hands.

I love my husband more and more every single day, but it's not just because he's great... it's because God is great. God somehow saw something in me that would lead Rob, and my family to Him. I don't know how I obtained this job, but I am so honored that I did. I love God, and I am so grateful that He gave His only son, so that I could live a life as a sinner, but still be rewarded with the ultimate gift of everlasting life. I mean, who can give you that? There is no one, but Christ himself. In John 3:16 it says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." Really read that. When you REALLY believe that, you'll know. There is no question after you believe that. He is the way, the truth, and the life. He said it himself in John 14:6 "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." Do you think He'd just make that up? C'mon, He wants you! He wants you to seek Him for salvation.

Jesus did not make these promises and say these things so you would feel judged, persecuted, or even abandoned. He said them so that you might feel reassured, comforted, supported, and welcomed. Jesus loves you. He died on the cross for YOU, and He does not care if you cursed someone under your breath, or you murdered someone; He will forgive you. He wants you to confess, but more than that, He wants you to know, that once you confess, your sins are forgiven. You can move forward, leave that life behind, and grow in His glory. There is not one gift on this earth worth more than the glory of God. I assure you, as I cannot think of a single thing that holds more value in my life.

Some might say, "oh God can't be more important than your kids, your family, your marriage, your money..." and the list goes on. I assure you, He is more important than every single one of those things, because without Him, you wouldn't have them. Those who know me, know that I LOVE my husband, I love my kids, my family, everything. But in my growth through Christ it is absolutely apparent that I would not have one of those people in my life, without Him. He led me on my path. He walked me through, when I couldn't see. He carried me, when I couldn't walk. It is only because of Him that I am where I am, and I have never been happier. It's almost comical to think of the goals I had as a 18-year-old girl who relied on herself for whatever she wanted, who felt completely defeated when things didn't go her way. You can imagine it took a lot for me to simply let go of control, and I still battle that every day. But as soon as I did, it was like God said, "FINALLY! You've realized, I had the reigns the entire time, and NOW you know that I'll take it from here." As soon as I gave God my finances, He blessed us with Financial Peace University and we became debt free. As soon I gave God my marriage, He brought us closer than ever. As soon as I gave him my children, He showed me how to lead them. I struggle every single day, but that is simply Him molding me, shaping me into the Christian He wants me to be. Because through Him, I can accomplish anything, but without Him, I am lost.

November 17, 2007 I gave my life to God officially, as I was baptized into Christ. I laid to rest that hard-headed, angry, spiteful Delilah, and through Christ, raised a new clean Delilah. I am now a Christian who is hopeful for the future, grateful for the past, and simply blessed to have all that has been afforded to me in this short life. God is great, and I am a testament to that. His glory is amazing, and his gifts are unending. It takes nothing more than letting Him into your heart to know His love, and to know His plans for you. Once you have that, the picture becomes clear, the answers are at your fingertips, and the blessings overflow.

Are you missing Him?

Loving Him,
Delilah